The Mad Minstrel

Perception

The Mad Minstrel

Stress and exhaustion play a significant role in how we perceive the world.

As an example, I remember back in college, the day the Gov. of Washington State announced that she was pushing a bill through congress in support of equal marriage rights, I was ELATED.

After 10 years together, my partner and I could finally think about the one thing we never even talked about, a wedding.

Hell, when I was a kid, being gay was still illegal in some states so I never thought I’d live to see that kind of progression.

After the brilliant news in the morning, I bounced off to class and happily received my first homework of the quarter. All classes combined, I only had about two hours’ worth and I was sure it would be a breeze.

By noon, I was off to begin my ten hour shift at work.

The hospital was full and we were busy, but my day was flying by. It didn’t seem like any time had passed before I was coming back from my lunch break, powered by Red Bull and ready to take on the world.

Before I continue, I should probably explain that Emergency Rooms are not like they are on TV. Much of what you see happens, but what you don’t know is how much time it takes.

…

And that day, that beautiful shining day, came crashing to a halt when a young woman came in to the ER and immediately coded.

She was my age.

After several rounds of CPR and a truck-load of medications, we got her back.

She coded again.

We brought her back, again.

Again and again, over and over.

The cycle was all too familiar but what could we do? We had to keep trying.

For three hours, we fought. She would begin to stabilize and bottom out again.

For three hours she fought.

For three heart-breaking hours, we listened to the sobs of a mother who knew she was losing her child.

I remember looking down at her as I was pounding on her chest.

She was my age.

I was in school, in love, I drank too much caffeine and made questionable life choices- that’s what she was supposed to be doing right then… not laying there, not having her ribs broken by me as I listened to her mother begging us to undo what had already been done.

Not long after, we lost her.

Exhausted and stressed, I finished the last of my shift and went home.

That morning was about vibrancy and life, that night, death.

Earlier in the day, those few hours of homework sounded like a snap. At two in the morning, after three hours of CPR, after losing a patient, and feeling like I got hit by a train, nothing was easy.

I try and remember this whenever things seem impossible or when I meet a person who’s a complete jackass…

What’s my perception of the world today? What’s theirs?

, , , , ,
The Mad Minstrel's avatar

Posted by:

The Mad Minstrel

2 responses to “Perception”

  1. OddFables Avatar
    OddFables

    Great to see you started your blog and with a very powerful piece at that!

    You must’ve seen some harsh stuff on the ER and that proves two things – how resilient and strong you’ve become and how your perspective has built up. I don’t remember if we talked about it but I had the same realization when Dumpling was born and I listened to mothers complaining about their children being loud at night, while my child was fighting for life in the ICU – it’s all a matter of perspective and experiences, it makes us different and it’s hard to convey the feelings to someone who has experience different pains and stress in life.

    Same with the mother of the girl that died. I feel her pain a bit, but it isn’t exactly the same scope – I had a sick disabled child, I knew she would die sooner than later. Here’s a mother that thought her daughter would live for long years after her own death, that she’d build her own family, be her own person. The nature of our loss gives us different perspectives.

    I’m looking forward to your future stories Fred!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. The Mad Minstrel Avatar
      The Mad Minstrel

      My dear, Fables. The circumstances were different, yes, but a parent is never really prepared for that loss. You just had more time to grieve.

      Thank you for stopping by and reading, it means a lot.
      I think blogging will be a good way to keep me writing regularly while I’m editing my manuscript.
      That and, my crazy life might make for an interesting read. 😉

      Like

      Reply

Leave a comment