The Mad Minstrel

I have been thinking about friendship lately and it’s funny to me how simple it is to make friends as a child. Most everyone is on equal footing and all it takes is one thing in common.

“Look, we’re both wearing Converse, best friends forever!”

But as we get older, we close ourselves off bit by bit. I suppose we do this not only to protect ourselves, but to fit in. When we choose a career, we need to make sure our employers know we’re the right fit for the job. We wear the clothes outlined in the Dress Codes and we check our behavior, as we’re now representatives of a company.

These aren’t bad things. I mean, it’s only natural to build a few defensive walls as we grow up and experience heartache, and as far as work goes, I’d want my employees to project my company image too. It’s just life. Unfortunately, these things combined mean that it can be damned difficult to make friends as an adult.

Have you ever noticed how much making a friend can feel like dating?

Friendship can happen organically or you can actively seek out new people to share your life with, but either way… with so many barriers, it might take awhile. To make a real friend, it’s a delicate game of give and take. You may have that initial spark of “attraction” where you feel like you’ve found someone compatible but it’s still not as easy as it used to be. It’s a balance of courage and support as each of you strip away the masks you wear.

Since this is such a terrifying process and because we’re so afraid of rejection, most people give up at the first sign of judgement or awkwardness and find it easier to let people remain acquaintances or superficial friends.

I don’t know that there’s a fix for this. Life is chaotic and busy and we have families, work, and obligations – and sometimes, the idea of going through this process seems too exhausting.

What if it doesn’t work? What if they use you or hurt you? What if they don’t like you? … But what if they do?

Since last year, when I started down this little writing adventure, I’ve opened myself up to new friendships and have met the most wonderful people. It’s not easy tearing down the walls but it feels good to let people in.

And hey, it’s not for me to say what’s right for you but this world is full of the most remarkable humans (don’t get me wrong, the world is also full of some giant asshats) and if getting to know a few of them (not the asshats, stay away from them) would make your life better, doesn’t it make sense to try?

Image by Cheryl Holt from Pixabay