The Mad Minstrel

The unfortunate truth of adulthood is that growth and change are usually the result of negative stimuli and the things holding us back typically come from within. Pair these together and they make for a long road and a steep learning curve. Now I can’t say this is true for all people, but it’s true for me and let me tell you, I’ve had a lifetime of “growth opportunities” that were only difficult to swallow because of my pride.

Fucking hell, do I ever hate being wrong!

Seriously, my first instinct upon learning I’m wrong is to say something remarkably intelligent like “I’m not wrong, you’re wrong, your face is wrong!” and for the first twenty years of my life, I ran with my instinctics… it didn’t get me very far.

*Pauses to laugh at her younger self*

I don’t exactly know why I’m sharing this or if anyone is even reading, but maybe someone out there will come across this someday and learn from my mistakes.

Lesson the first: Being wrong or making a mistake doesn’t make you stupid. I’ll follow this up with… not learning from your mistakes makes you look stupid. If you are too hard-headed to admit fault you’re never going to improve. I know it’s difficult, but in the long run it would be better to admit you made a mistake than to get defensive. It would be even better if you could learn to ask for help so you don’t make it again. For example, when you start a new job, you WILL make mistakes- you’re new and you have to find your way. Learn from your mistakes (and the mistakes of other’s) and grow into the kind of person everyone wants on their team.

Lesson two: Being ignorant is not the same as being stupid. This one was particularly difficult for me. My own insecurities made it so I never wanted to look bad. I always wanted to be the best and I HATED looking a fool. It wasn’t until my partner sat me down one day and told me that if I didn’t like not knowing things, I should learn more. Huh, the logic of it all! It sounded so simple and I was sure it wouldn’t be that easy… except, it was. When someone is talking about something I know nothing about, I admit it… ya know what happens? The earth doesn’t come to a crashing halt, the stars don’t drop out of the sky… they just explain it to me. It’s as easy as that, and if it sounds interesting, I can look it up later and learn more.

Lesson three: Someone pointing out an error doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate everything you’ve done so far. You may be the star performer in whatever you do- it could be a sport, a job, or being a stay ay home parent- and you could excel at the hundreds of things you do every day, but damn it all, if someone finding the one thing you did wrong doesn’t feel like they are invalidating everything you just did. When you work so hard, all you want to hear is positive feedback because you are pouring your life-blood into what you’re doing and you want recognition. I’m sorry to say that you wont always get it, not right when you want it anyway, but if you are consistent and know how to market yourself (without being an ass) you will be noticed. In the meantime… read this rule again and know that you’re awesome.

Finally: You cannot count on the praise of others to raise you up. Like I said in lesson three, you may not always get the recognition you want or deserve but you sure as hell can give it to yourself. Besides, pinning all your hopes on the recognition and appreciation of others is giving other people way too much power over your life.